It was a winter storm here in St. Louis that was nowhere close to an end. What should have been a pleasant surprise of snow was a shocking surprise of loss. It's been a year since we got in the car and went to the ER only to have the suspicion confirmed - our little baby was gone.
What do you feel when you lose someone you've never met? Are you sad? Angry? Ambivalent? Do you try to imagine what they would have looked like or what their personality would be? Or do you nonchalantly declare like our nurse in the ER did that it happens all the time and some fetuses just pass through? I guess it depends on what you believe. We believe that life begins at conception, so to us a little one was taken from us in a moment. We would never get to see the face, enjoy the smiles, be amazed at the beauty of this little life. We would never get to hold her, to comfort her, to laugh with her. So we cried as we thought of the profound loss we were facing. And yet we weren't grieving without hope. We trust God that He is good and His Word is true. We believe that one day we will see her face, and hold her in our arms, and enjoy her forever. Until that day we remember her and still grieve never getting to know her on this earth.
We thought she was a girl so we named her Elena. Until the day when we'll be reunited we remember that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away...blessed be the name of the Lord!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Our litle princess turns 4!!!
On Monday, December 8th Maya turned 4 years old. Her day began with a fun daddy/daughter date that culminated in them going to WalMart and getting a fish! Yes, my little girl chose a FISH over a 3 foot dollhouse. And yes, we now have a pet in our small apartment. Her (mind you, this is a girl fish!) name is SUELLA. Maya got to pick her out, pick out her tank, her gravel, and all the things that go with having a fish. She's been doing really well feeding her every day and saying hello and goodbye and goodnight. We're so proud of her.
The thing with 4 year old birthdays is that they don't just last one day, but a few. So for Maya it was 3 days and 2 batches of cupcakes later and a Princess Party later, she's now finally 4. She was so excited when her teacher at school, Mrs. Byars gave her a birthday crown and pencil and she had a blast having her little friends over and getting to dress up with them as princesses, paint nails and put lipgloss on. They even decorated their own cupcakes with pink icing of course and TONS of sprinkles.
Really, it's 4 going on 14 one would think if they witnessed some of the imaginary conversations she has with herself. For example, the other night, she got her play cell phone and sat on the edge of the couch with her legs crossed and the conversation with her friend Joshua began:
"Hey Joshua. What are you doing? Uh...(eye rolling going on here)...you've gotta be kidding me! Ok, I've gotta go. Bye."
Grandma Mo and I rolled with laughter! On a different note, as Maya gets to make more and more independent decisions, Chris and I get to learn to relinquish more control and trust the Lord as we trust her in her decision making even though she will make choices that are different than ours. Suella the fish, for example, was supposed to be a goldfish, but alas, she's something else...not sure, we think she started off as a goldfish but then mutated into something gray and spotted. This is definitely good for our character and our growth in the Lord.
The thing with 4 year old birthdays is that they don't just last one day, but a few. So for Maya it was 3 days and 2 batches of cupcakes later and a Princess Party later, she's now finally 4. She was so excited when her teacher at school, Mrs. Byars gave her a birthday crown and pencil and she had a blast having her little friends over and getting to dress up with them as princesses, paint nails and put lipgloss on. They even decorated their own cupcakes with pink icing of course and TONS of sprinkles.
Really, it's 4 going on 14 one would think if they witnessed some of the imaginary conversations she has with herself. For example, the other night, she got her play cell phone and sat on the edge of the couch with her legs crossed and the conversation with her friend Joshua began:
"Hey Joshua. What are you doing? Uh...(eye rolling going on here)...you've gotta be kidding me! Ok, I've gotta go. Bye."
Grandma Mo and I rolled with laughter! On a different note, as Maya gets to make more and more independent decisions, Chris and I get to learn to relinquish more control and trust the Lord as we trust her in her decision making even though she will make choices that are different than ours. Suella the fish, for example, was supposed to be a goldfish, but alas, she's something else...not sure, we think she started off as a goldfish but then mutated into something gray and spotted. This is definitely good for our character and our growth in the Lord.
Sneak Peek
Our dear friend Cara came over and took some pictures of Jack: Cara is a great photographer and Jack a wonderfully cooperating subject. So for those of you who've been wanting to see him, here you go! He's been such a sweet blessing - he is a good baby and very patient with the rest of us.
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