San Diego Adventures

Since we've been in San Diego we've marveled a lot -
at the palm trees growing in the middle of desert bushes
at how quickly our children adjust to new places
at the beauty of the Pacific ocean
at how cold that same ocean is
at the "Pirate Ship" at the Marina that Alex wants to claim his very own
at the dropped jaw of Maya and Alex as they watch Shamu the killer whale make a jump
at the huge kites at Seaport Village
at Jack's giggles as his feet splash in the water for the first time
at the great (did I say great!) food at J Wok
at how nothing beats riding a tractor or a pony...or just the fun you can have on a farm!
at new friendships
at missing old friendships
at God's gracious providence
at how I really, really need my right thumb (yeah, well, I thought I didn't till I couldn't use it any more for a while due to an injury....what can I say, I learn the hard way and Chris usually gets to say, "I told you so!".....
and at how quickly time goes by.

Indeed we are "but a breath" like the Psalms have told me over and over again. But our moments here in San Diego will be like the rocks and seashells we've collected on it's beaches - beautiful, meaningful, and worth taking along with us.

Next stop: Augusta, GA! The main attraction there per our kids - THE DOGS - Titus and Gilmore! Alex wants to "wrestle with Titus".....we'll keep you posted on how that one goes....

A cork on the river of God's Providence

There are those moments every so often that all of us get an ache that if we don't distract ourselves quickly will become quite painful. The ache questions and doubts and wanders....
Did I make the right decisions? What would my life look like if I had just taken that turn instead of the one I chose? Would it have made a difference?
One can be left to count their mistakes, thinking of what the 'other life' might have been...

Those moments for me are not an issue of contentment but an issue of homesickness and longing: longing to sit by the edge of the Adriatic and look out at a sunset, the longing to walk the streets of Rovinj in the mid-afternoon bustle, the longing to have coffee at a bar overlooking fishermen coming back from a night's work or cleaning their nets as the sun slowly creeps up on my face, the longing to be there for important events in my family's lives, the longing to enjoy a good Istrian pizza bite by bite, the longing to laugh with old friends...

Longings - how good of God to give us this little ache that reminds us that we were not made for this world, but that our true home is yet awaiting us. In the meantime, the way I've come to look at my life is what a friend called "A cork on the river of God's Providence." It might take unexpected turns and where we would have turned right it turned us left, but His good and loving hand always guides, always protects, always blesses.

I look around me and I see an amazing husband who loves me and thinks I'm amazing despite of all my shortcomings, 3 children who make me laugh more than ever before and bring constant joy to my heart, a community of friends and family who are committed to help me grow and learn and who are with me no matter what, and a God whose presence never leaves me.

In my melancholy moments though as I learn to let the river of God's Providence lead me, Oliver Dragojevic always knows how to minister to my heart :)

Always learning.....patience

How does 45 minutes on hold sound? How about twice in one day? How about nothing is acomplished after all the holding??? It seems that customer service is a thing of yesterday and has been replaced with mediocre music and enthusiastic voices not telling you really why you should remain on the line, even though your call is important to them and it might be recorded for quality assurance purposes....well, I guess if there was a conversation to be recorded that would be possible, but alas!

So as I have spent all my free time today on hold, I have (yet again) a choice to make: will I be angry and in my imaginary world have a confrontation with whoever should be answering my call, or do I consider it a gift from the Lord and a chance to think, pray, collect my thoughts or just let my brain rest??? I confess that the former comes naturally and the latter is quite a challenge. I'd love to have patience enough to be aware of life's fleeting little moments that could count but I squander them in worry, anger, busyness. Good news is: I keep learning...sometimes is the same lesson over and over again, but I'm thankful that growth comes a bit at the time.

Speaking of growth, Jack is 6 weeks old now and a full 10 lbs. 4 oz. and doing well. I say doing well as he's been crying and unable to settle for the past 3 hours...another lesson in patience maybe????

In Memoriam...

It was a winter storm here in St. Louis that was nowhere close to an end. What should have been a pleasant surprise of snow was a shocking surprise of loss. It's been a year since we got in the car and went to the ER only to have the suspicion confirmed - our little baby was gone.

What do you feel when you lose someone you've never met? Are you sad? Angry? Ambivalent? Do you try to imagine what they would have looked like or what their personality would be? Or do you nonchalantly declare like our nurse in the ER did that it happens all the time and some fetuses just pass through? I guess it depends on what you believe. We believe that life begins at conception, so to us a little one was taken from us in a moment. We would never get to see the face, enjoy the smiles, be amazed at the beauty of this little life. We would never get to hold her, to comfort her, to laugh with her. So we cried as we thought of the profound loss we were facing. And yet we weren't grieving without hope. We trust God that He is good and His Word is true. We believe that one day we will see her face, and hold her in our arms, and enjoy her forever. Until that day we remember her and still grieve never getting to know her on this earth.

We thought she was a girl so we named her Elena. Until the day when we'll be reunited we remember that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away...blessed be the name of the Lord!

Our litle princess turns 4!!!

On Monday, December 8th Maya turned 4 years old. Her day began with a fun daddy/daughter date that culminated in them going to WalMart and getting a fish! Yes, my little girl chose a FISH over a 3 foot dollhouse. And yes, we now have a pet in our small apartment. Her (mind you, this is a girl fish!) name is SUELLA. Maya got to pick her out, pick out her tank, her gravel, and all the things that go with having a fish. She's been doing really well feeding her every day and saying hello and goodbye and goodnight. We're so proud of her.

The thing with 4 year old birthdays is that they don't just last one day, but a few. So for Maya it was 3 days and 2 batches of cupcakes later and a Princess Party later, she's now finally 4. She was so excited when her teacher at school, Mrs. Byars gave her a birthday crown and pencil and she had a blast having her little friends over and getting to dress up with them as princesses, paint nails and put lipgloss on. They even decorated their own cupcakes with pink icing of course and TONS of sprinkles.

Really, it's 4 going on 14 one would think if they witnessed some of the imaginary conversations she has with herself. For example, the other night, she got her play cell phone and sat on the edge of the couch with her legs crossed and the conversation with her friend Joshua began:
"Hey Joshua. What are you doing? Uh...(eye rolling going on here)...you've gotta be kidding me! Ok, I've gotta go. Bye."

Grandma Mo and I rolled with laughter! On a different note, as Maya gets to make more and more independent decisions, Chris and I get to learn to relinquish more control and trust the Lord as we trust her in her decision making even though she will make choices that are different than ours. Suella the fish, for example, was supposed to be a goldfish, but alas, she's something else...not sure, we think she started off as a goldfish but then mutated into something gray and spotted. This is definitely good for our character and our growth in the Lord.

Sneak Peek

Our dear friend Cara came over and took some pictures of Jack: Cara is a great photographer and Jack a wonderfully cooperating subject. So for those of you who've been wanting to see him, here you go! He's been such a sweet blessing - he is a good baby and very patient with the rest of us.

Pleasant Surprises...

Last night was a long night with Jack who had a hard time settling down for a few hours. So when I got up this morning and struggled to get to the living room, I just wanted a Starbucks Peppermint Mocha and a nice omelette - wishful thinking, I know. Maya was already chatting in the bed with grandma Mo so the quietness of the morning was soon to be distilled by her running footsteps.

Thankfully, the Lord knows that most of the time, what really ministers to my heart are the little things in life....like a cup of coffee, or a Cooking Light magazine, or a hand picked wildflower (Chris used to steal flowers from people's yards for me...). And thankfully, His mercies are new every morning. So this morning, He decided to make my heart leap and rejoice just like that of my little 3 year old - as I looked outside the window all was WHITE!!! We had our first snow! Granted, it melted within a few hours, but what a wonderful way to wake up. I got Maya out of bed and told her, "Come and see....God gave us a surprise!" She was just as excited as I was and it was a fun time together with my little girl. Of course, the next question out of her mouth was, "Can we go outside???" Sure enough, they did a little while later and had a blast. Maya even brought me back some snow and panicked when I said I'll put it in the sink! So we put it in a bowl -the fact that it was melted within a few minutes didn't matter, but putting it in the sink would ruin it! Praise the
Lord for his pleasant surprises.

Oh, and what was little bit doing while the others were outside....snoozing of course...making up for the lost sleep!