Sometimes the call to embrace here and now drives a sword deep.
Bandaid ripped harsh just reminds that the sword wound needs better healing. But healing of wounds so deep stings, aches, bleeds.
I've been counting my little gifts - manna from heaven.
How do you count loss? Sorrow? Even when it's not your own?
This is her story.
Happiness made dimples in her cheeks when she held the pregnancy test with a little plus sign.
Hope.
Fear.
She's lost babes before.
Maybe this time will be different.
Then happiness drained away, red like crimson, bleeding out life. Tears trying to wash away sorrow. The sword opens the wound again. Life bleeding out, heart bleeding out, joy bleeding out. Memories never to be made, babe never to be held, laughter never to be heard...not in the here and now anyway.
"I'm sorry" is all I can say, tears washing my face. I wish I had something comforting to say, profound, healing. "I will pray..." Right. He heals. He comforts.
Here and now sometimes dark like a cloud covered sky, unfair. Mustard seed living heart beating strong in my womb....mustard seed heart draining from hers.
Tonight Scripture bleeds out into my heart. Word healing wounds. I remember even as I tell my babes about Jesus this holy week - life bled out, heart bled out....for me. But joy...no, joy remained.
"For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning it's shame" (Hebrews 12:2)
Manna from heaven - even in sorrow.
