There are those moments every so often that all of us get an ache that if we don't distract ourselves quickly will become quite painful. The ache questions and doubts and wanders....
Did I make the right decisions? What would my life look like if I had just taken that turn instead of the one I chose? Would it have made a difference?
One can be left to count their mistakes, thinking of what the 'other life' might have been...
Those moments for me are not an issue of contentment but an issue of homesickness and longing: longing to sit by the edge of the Adriatic and look out at a sunset, the longing to walk the streets of Rovinj in the mid-afternoon bustle, the longing to have coffee at a bar overlooking fishermen coming back from a night's work or cleaning their nets as the sun slowly creeps up on my face, the longing to be there for important events in my family's lives, the longing to enjoy a good Istrian pizza bite by bite, the longing to laugh with old friends...
Longings - how good of God to give us this little ache that reminds us that we were not made for this world, but that our true home is yet awaiting us. In the meantime, the way I've come to look at my life is what a friend called "A cork on the river of God's Providence." It might take unexpected turns and where we would have turned right it turned us left, but His good and loving hand always guides, always protects, always blesses.
I look around me and I see an amazing husband who loves me and thinks I'm amazing despite of all my shortcomings, 3 children who make me laugh more than ever before and bring constant joy to my heart, a community of friends and family who are committed to help me grow and learn and who are with me no matter what, and a God whose presence never leaves me.
In my melancholy moments though as I learn to let the river of God's Providence lead me, Oliver Dragojevic always knows how to minister to my heart :)
Friday, May 8, 2009
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